


Light Up, As If You Have A Choice

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Death Is Hennix, Goodbyes, M/M, Missing Scene, Sad Ending, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren Spoilers, Suicidal Ideation, even though it’s July now, if brief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25477690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben says goodbye to Poe on Elphrona.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Kudos: 5
Collections: Darkpilot Songbook, The Darkpilot Library





	Light Up, As If You Have A Choice

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Inspired by the Snow Patrol song “Run”.

He could still feel Ren’s voice echoing in his head even when he took off the helmet. Ben wasn’t going to lie; there was something about just taking it off that was disorienting. Like he was coming out of a trance. He supposed that was what it was like, he thought. Stepping out of a trance, realizing that the voices in his head were just voices. Echoes. 

And it reminded him too well of the man he was going to leave behind. Poe Dameron. Even picturing him was enough to send stabs of pain through Ben — his smile, his eyes, everything about him. He could still imagine what Poe would say, what he would do, if only to reconnect with Ben. 

He contacted Poe. Even seeing a miniature version of Poe appear in the hologram, Ben felt another stab of pain. He was leaving Poe behind. Probably forever. To join the Knights of Ren — who he really was. 

Vanrak. That was where Ren said they were. Vanrak already felt like a point of no return. But maybe it was better this way? He wouldn’t have to pretend. He could make the galaxy better. He could form it so that Poe would like it. Like a sculptor, and the galaxy was his clay. 

”Ben!” Poe said. “You’re...okay. Thank the stars you’re okay.”

Ben nodded. “I am.”

”What happened to you? You look like hell, Ben...”

”I know,” Ben said. 

”Are you okay?” Poe said. “Where are you?”

How would he even begin to explain? (Rocks. So many rocks. Was that how he was going to get there, by burying his enemies?)

”Poe,” he said, “I’m not coming back.”

”Why?” Poe sounded so vulnerable in that moment. Confused. 

”Poe...I...” What was he going to say? How could he explain what he’d done, what he’d failed to do, in so many words? How he had accidentally killed Hennix? How he’d failed to save the people at the Academy? “It was my fault,” he said. He had to keep Poe from following him somehow. “I failed. I failed to save the people at the Academy. I didn’t kill them, Poe, but I good as did...”

His voice cracked in that moment. Poe’s eyes were wide, kind. “You can come back. I came back, Ben. So can you.”

”Hennix is dead. I...deflected his lightsaber back at him...”

”But that was a mistake!” Poe said. “Ben, I know you. You’re not a murderer. Come back.”

”I have to go alone,” Ben said. 

”You’re not alone.” 

(And there was so much conviction in Poe’s words, so much faith, that Kylo Ren thought of it six years later, speaking to a scavenger through their Force Bond. Because she was much like him. Alone in the universe, grappling with the weight of legacy and talent. He didn’t love her like he’d loved Poe, but around her, he could consider her the closest thing he had to a friend in years)

Poe continued. “You’ve never been alone, Ben.”

”Neither have you.” Ben took a deep breath. “Poe...whatever you do, whatever it takes, defend the Republic. Defend the galaxy. Defend yourself. You swore an oath to defend the Republic. Keep it strong.”

”I...I’ll do that.”

”I’ll be with you,” Ben said. “As long as you remember me. And we will see each other again.”

Would it be on the battlefield, he wondered. Would it be in the sky, in the stars? There were so many ways for Poe to be shot out of the sky, hurt, killed. Ben could only hope the Force would protect him somehow. 

”We will,” Poe said. “I love you, Ben.”

Of course it didn’t need saying. It was there in every action Poe took. Every glance, every word. Ben smiled feebly. “It didn’t need saying. I love you, Poe. I always will. Never doubt what you’re doing, what you’ve done. You are a good man.” A beat. “May the Force be with you.”

”You too.”

The transmission ended. Ben...after everything, he wanted to throw the holographic transmitter into the pit. Let it die, let it all die. Stars willing, after everything that happened, he deserved to be dead...

But he had to meet with Ren. They would see what Ben would become. What Poe would become. 

Ben knew that Poe would be magnificent...and without him, Ben was nothing at all. 


End file.
